i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i think i just lost a toe
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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