So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
