It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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