Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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