I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
