That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My vagina is officially offended.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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