I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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