I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
