how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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