just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
