So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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