she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
