halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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