Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
