she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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