Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
