Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
