i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
