I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
