office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
