We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
