i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
