I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
