its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
