Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
