Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
