somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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