just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
