On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
