I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Randomize
