Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
