My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
