This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
