okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
