dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
two words: eviction party
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
