PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
