if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
