Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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