Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
