Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
