she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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