i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
