You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
