My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
