The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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