Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
