In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
