Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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