I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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