We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
