cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
